Time. Where did it all go?
It’s Friday, and I wonder how your week has been? The holidays are long gone and many of us are back to being over-scheduled, overwhelmed, and just generally frazzled.
If that’s you, I hear you! I’ve been there, too.
This year I’ve had to uplevel my time management skills in a major way to allow me to do two big jobs at once, and to meet my commitment to excellence in both.
And just like with any relationship, my relationship with time sometimes feels easy — and sometimes, not so much.
If you stop to consider it, our relationship with time is one of the most interesting, provocative, multi-dimensional, and significant relationships we have.
Think back on your week — how often did your (or someone else’s) way of relating to time impact your work product, your relationships, your health and wellbeing?
Time is a precious commodity. And how we choose to spend that precious, finite resource – these are some of the most meaningful choices we make.
I bet you have some pretty wonderful thoughts about what’s important to you, what you value and prioritize. But where and how you spend your time often paints a very different picture.
I ask nearly all my clients to show me their calendars for this very reason. Some clients LOVE this process, but for most it’s wildly uncomfortable.
Here's the truth: Most of the time, most of us are struggling to put our time “money” where our mouth is.
All sorts of reasons impact how we manage time, ranging from the practical to the emotional to the existential.
Here are just a few — and one or two of these may have your name on it?
We're not accurate. Most of us are in some denial about where our time goes. Getting accurate helps us make positive changes. For example, a glance at my calendar explains some of this morning's crankiness — I need a lot of alone time, and an accurate calendar helps me see that I haven't been prioritizing this.
We lack systems. One busy professional recently showed me her “calendar.” It was a stack of paper scraps and post-its — no wonder she was feeling scattered and overwhelmed! You don’t need a fancy system but you do need one or two systems that you can commit to.
We're uncomfortable saying no. If you have people-pleasing tendencies it's a safe bet you're spending disproportionate time on other people’s priorities, at the expense of your own. For some of you, creating strong boundaries and tolerating the discomfort of saying no is the single most powerful act you can take to reclaim your time.
We over-rely on willpower. Willpower is not an effective tool for daily living or long-term priorities. Stop judging yourself for not having “enough” willpower, and start creating infrastructure to support good decisions.
We are reactive rather than proactive. We allow our schedules to happen to us. We don't look ahead and plan, or we allow constant interruptions and mini-emergencies to take over, or we struggle to stay grounded in our values when faced with competing demands for our time.
We think we can do it all. We labor under the illusion that everything important can and will get done. But time is finite, and to-do lists, email inboxes, and even worthy projects are never ending. Accept this reality (and maybe even give yourself permission to grieve the important things that simply won't get done.)
We're perfectionists. If you're a perfectionist you might spend significant time over-perfecting rather than devoting yourself to more important values and goals. (Or maybe you procrastinate, because you dread not meeting those impossible standards.) Try to reorient yourself to the bigger picture and use your time in service of that.
We're used to being out of integrity with our word. Of course we need to cancel and make changes — that's part of life! AND, many of us have become comfortable regularly failing to meet commitments — to others and to ourselves. We don't recognize how insidious, undermining and demoralizing this habit can be. Rebuilding our integrity in this area is important and empowering.
We're addicted. That burst of dopamine feels great when we cross little things off the list or respond to an urgent request, but we've lost our capacity to tolerate the delayed gratification of deep work and long term goals. We prioritize quantity over quality, but then we end the day wondering what of value actually got accomplished.
We look only outside of ourselves for the solution. We’re holding out hope that some kind of magical time management tool (an app, a book, a journal, a fancy to-do list) will create for us a healthy relationship with time. We're not willing to take a holistic look at our thoughts, feelings, and actions to better understand what's driving our choices. (Or if you're like me, you're willing but you need some help gaining that insight.)
If anything on this list sounds like you, you are human. And if you’re feeling activated or confronted by this, well … that’s human, too.
Time management reaches into almost every corner of our being, and no single system or process holds all the answers. That’s because we have to get to what’s underneath our relationship with time, and be willing to look at that, too.
If you struggle with time management, please don’t beat yourself up, but rather see this as an invitation to get curious. And remember, this is a relationship just like any other — it evolves, grows, and requires attention, care, love and maintenance.
(Speaking of maintenance, I'm headed out for a walk so I can dial down my crankiness!)