Just Because…
I was out walking on a beautiful, sunny day last weekend when I was stopped by a lovely woman.
“You’re Elizabeth Rowe! I’m crushed that you are leaving the orchestra. Please tell me that you'll keep making music. It will be a huge loss if you don’t.”
I was touched, flattered … and momentarily discombobulated.
Because, here’s the thing: I’m not sure that I will keep making music after I complete my final season with the BSO.
After we said goodbye I had to remind myself that JUST BECAUSE this gracious and kind woman might experience my choice as a major loss, this doesn’t mean I have to continue performing.
It’s easy to get caught up in rigid thinking about right and wrong. Using “just because…” can be a useful tool to help us challenge and reconsider the “rules” we live by.
Here are a few examples to get you started, and you can create your own!
Just because [that choice] was right for me then doesn’t mean it’s right for me now.
Just because I’m exceptionally good at something doesn’t mean I have to keep doing it.
Just because my parents raised me to [believe that thing] doesn’t mean I will continue to.
Just because [those people] might judge me doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
Just because growing up I always imagined I would [get married / start a family / buy a house] doesn’t mean it’s still the right choice for me.
It can be a long process to unwind some of these rigid constructs — and when we are able to, we have access to a much more expansive set of choices for ourselves.
That sidewalk meeting was also another chance to find the both/and:
This woman’s experience and loss is real for her. I don't need to minimize or invalidate it in order for my own joyful enthusiasm about this next chapter to also be valid. (And letting myself acknowledge her feelings helps me connect to any loss that I, too, might experience — right alongside the deep knowledge that my choice is right for me.) Both/And.
There's room to honor it all.
INVITATION TO REFLECT: What about this resonates with you? What's a “just because” statement that might help open up more choices for you?